Life is arguably a mass of unclear choices, the hilarity of human free will. Will it end in the fall of our hopes and aspirations? Or we will smile as we tell those we love of the day we made that seamless judgement call?

I don't know whether what I am going to do is the right thing. What do we mean by the term right? Is it appeasing those we wish to keep in good favour? Is it pursuing happiness at the detriment of everything else? Whatever it may mean to you, to me it involves taking control. This risk to be one step closer to where I invisage myself. We are forever striving, forever reaching for that perfection, our own simple sunnum bonnum. Yet... no matter how many resources we have or how encouraged we feel... aren't all scared we are going to amount to nothing?

Some people will laugh at me for what I'm going to do, coerce me into abandoning these whims of flight. But after all, it is my life. I don't know whether i'm going to be happy or successful... but I know if I don't take this chance I will forever regret not doing anything. I am in control to decide my destiny and hoping that maybe, possibly, this control will be what saves me.

The path ahead is hard, frustrating and above all a massive risk. But what isn't in life? If I didn't take the biggest risk of all, trust my intuition when everyone was telling me no I wouldn't have found the greatest joy of my life. So much of my life has been seized, contorted almost by fear... but its time for me to emerge and fight- even if this means the end. We cannot live in fear, because that is not life at all. We need to scream, shout, fuck and cry... because at least that means we are doing something. We aren't submitting to the fear and those barriers we have around our hearts.

I know its not going to be easy, the best things in life never are but I have lived too long not living. Aren't we all just that little bit scared we'll end up as nothing? I think so. And I'm going to build my barricades for the push, the fight, to ensure I've done everything I can to prevent this. I thank those who support. His love has set me free and allowed me to do this, to the snoring blonde who slumbers peacefully as I write this- I can never thank you enough for what you have done. And to those who oppose... I've got my personal apologia, and my oh my its good.